Approval monkeys... Entry for February 08, 2008

"There is something about yourself that you don't know. Something that you will deny even exists, until it's too late to do anything about it. It's the only reason you get up in the morning. The only reason you suffer the shitty puss, the blood, the sweat and the tears. This is because you want people to know how good, attractive, generous, funny, wild and clever you really are. Fear or revere me, but please, think I'm special. We share an addiction. We're approval junkies. We're all in it for the slap on the back and the gold watch. The hip-hip-hoo-fuckin' rah. Look at the clever boy with the badge, polishing his trophy. Shine on you crazy diamond, because we're just monkeys wrapped in suits, begging for the approval of others."

[Revolver. 2005]

yes. that's what we are. approval monkeys. we're all addicted. we're junkies, fiends for approval, for sympathy. we beg for people around to listen to our sad stories. then again no one wants to share a happy story. we all want them to feel sorry for us...

poor you... oh, that must have hurt...

and u r sitting here, looking urself in the eye. it pains u realizing that u r an addict. just like them junkies, addicts trying to get rid of that madness but still wishing to get a fix. soon as they get it they feel guilty, they feel weak. but it makes them feel accomplished, makes them feel alive. mistakes, weakness... pity... what is it? addiction? to what? to your weakness? to what?

you do anything to stand out of the crowd. because the very thought that u might be a part of that same crowd is unbearable. it makes you do anything. anything to stand out. love me or hate me, just think that i m special. that i m unique... that's our addiction.
I'd love to share a happy story with you. the story of love, the story of life, the story of my HappYness. and i will. not out of my addiction to sympathy, not out of my addiction to audience. just because i really want to share my happyness with you. because in some way i am you. in some way i am your happyness and you are mine. breathe... it's all good. the storm is just another good reason for sun to shine. the rain is just another reason to wander around with nothing to do. the dark clouds are just another reason to miss the sun.

[cyb]